Everything is a Sign When You are Lost
The Fall before the global pandemic shook the world, I had two tickets to Lima, Peru. One for myself and the other for my partner. We were projected to hike the Lares Trek to Machu Picchu together, cuddling in our tent and sharing stories under the night sky. It was going to be such a beautiful adventure!
However, much to my dismay and complete frustration, my partner was not in the right place to go on the trip. He wanted to reschedule for the following year. (which would not have happened in retrospect #covid) I was intent on going, I had to go. So after many heated conversations, I proclaimed, “I’ll just go by myself. I'm gonna go.”
I imagined him accepting this answer, but then still surprising me at the airport with his bags, saying, “I can’t let you go trekking in Peru alone!”
but, alas, I went alone.
Years later, after learning many hard lessons on sacrifice, I realize that compromise is a true art to master. Dedication, patience and loyalty are sacrifice.
But, all is fair in love and war. So, off and I away I went…
This experience launched me with impelling force into autonomy and independence; characteristics that have been tried and measured living alone in Germany for the last year.
After years of not knowing how to share the gift that Peru was to my personal story, I want to reflect on how it has impacted the independent woman that sits here tonight after another challenging, solo experience abroad.
Being Lonely Doesn’t Mean You are Alone
It just means you need to like your own company a little more. The more we can tolerate, God-forbid like our own presence, the more rich and fulfilling our lives can become. How can we truly understand our own desires, beliefs and intuition if we are always surrounded by other people? We spend all our time consuming the thoughts of the world from our phones, the emotions and needs of others, the energetic pulse of the landscapes that make up our life…
We are never alone.
We have to find alone.
Now, go trek by yourself in Peru and get lost and see how alone you truly feel. Six hours into the hike, I began repeating aloud, almost chantingly with each step, “Pachamama. Healing. Wholing. Holy.” This name and phrase came to me in a Qoya class I had taken a week prior to my trip, as a Goddess oracle card. It wasn’t until I read the booklet that stated Pachamama is the word for Mother Earth by the Peruvians. (and again, are we really ever alone?)
Universe: "Here’s your sign.” 🪧
Years after this isolating experience, I seek out this type of lonely. I plan and pursue experiences and places that I can just be in complete solitude with Mother Nature. The silence of the Earth is deafening, only to those who don’t listen to Her.
Be Prepared, But You’ll Never Be Ready
I would like to consider myself as someone that tries to be prepared for anything. I’ve always had a knack for useless gadgets that make me feel like Tomb Raider and with my army training and love for the outdoors, I guess I’ve aspired to be a future zombie apocalypse survivor. But the truth is, you’re never ready for the unknown. Not only did I learn this in Peru when I showed up with a squiggly map from the internet and many warnings not to traverse the Sacred Valley without a guide, but more-so exactly 3 years later in Germany.
You can try all you want to think of every possible outcome, of every danger that could be, of every outfit to weather the storm, but truth is, you just don’t know. How often is the weather forecast wrong? You are told sunny skies, but life always has a funny way of raining on you.
I thought I was prepared to trek Peru solita. I was wrong, but I survived. I thought I was prepared to venture Europe alone. I was wrong, but I survived.
Although I don’t ever want to live my life in a constant state of survival, sometimes it is necessary. It brings you to your knees, but can you stand back up? This is part of the journey.
Be prepared. Do the research and work to be your best going into things.
But be prepared to not be ready.
Everything is a Sign When You are Lost
Angel numbers. A river that leads up the valley. Aligned moments that can only be explained as serendipitous. They are all signs. Wait, but are they? Or are you reading them backwards, upside-down or getting a little cocky with your interpretations of the Universe.
Probably a little bit of all that. And that’s okay. As one of my favorite quotes by Henry Thoreau goes, “Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.”
You see, signs are there to guide you down the path, but it’s up to YOU to determine if you’re on the right path to begin with. Searching for meaning and answers in Germany, I identified potential signs everywhere. Did I know what I was looking for? Hell no. I was lost in foreign land. Even in the midst of chaos and confusion, I found peace and comfort in the sacred signs that were familiar to me.
Similarly, when I realized I was lost in Peru, I looked for anything that could be a sign. Unfortunately, you don’t know what you’re looking for when you’re lost in foreign land! I stayed hopeful and kept my eye on the river alongside me. Soon enough, along came a couple from Portugal with their private guide.
Universe: "Here’s your sign.” 🪧
Hand-painted signs in the Dolomites, Italy guiding me to the via ferrata route that I inevitably got lost on.
To get lost is one of the scariest things that can happen to us as humans. It defies our instincts and triggers our survival response. Yet, I find myself in some form or fashion in a new state of Lost, all the time. Challenging my desire to control things and surrendering to the unknown has given me some of the greatest gifts of my life.
So, get a little lost sometime.
Allow your heart to wander.
Find yourself on the path of unknown and uncomfortable.
Don’t worry, there will be signs along the way. 🪧